Pre-Meditation
Just about to do my evening 1 hour sit to cap the day off. I decided to do a journal to log my progress. I'd like to see what my mindset is before and after. I'm looking for a good or bad thing . I'm just observing objectively what is going on in my mind. There are no good or bad meditations , just meditations.
Currently I'm feeling a lot better reintegrating into modern life again. I had some difficulties yesterday but I'm starting to understand what the sits are meant to teach me. I find I am much more open to things now. I don't immediately place my judgement on things or blindly react to as many things as I used to. Today I lose my phone but I didn't really freak out as much as I thought I would. I just noticed , "Oh my phone is missing, lets backtrack to where we can find it" . It was a very observe then act type of mindset. And I feel so much more in control.
In terms of my progress with my Vipassana meditation , the sensations are not as intense as they were when I was at the meditation camp. Understandable at first that frustrated me and I was angry at why I had lost so much progress. I came to the realization that the dulling of the sensations coming back are meant to teach me something. Slowly those insights are coming to me. Currently my head is very active with intense sensations, a very strong has been circling on my chin & I feel it even when I'm not in meditation. I'm not sure yet what this sensation is, I don't crave it's presence nor do I want it to go away. I'm objective to it yet it stays. I continue to observe it and see what it is meant to teach me , if anything. My back is quite cloudy currently along with my chest area. Anyways time to sit.
Post-Meditation
Just finished the sit. I feel at peace. I wasn't focused on being able to hold the position for an hour anymore rather my attention was focused on the meditation itself. For a little bit at the end of the meditation I stopped looking for sensations and was just present . I just sat there and observed my entire body as a whole. It definitely was a new experience , i'll be doing a combination of this as well as the part by part scanning to see what happens.