I haven’t written in here a while and I miss it to be honest. I get a level of deep self reflection everytime I do a journal entry. I’ve learned a lot since I wrote here last. It’s crazy to think just how much one can learn in a short period. It doesn’t seem like much because of the day to day but it really starts to add up over time.
Recently I’ve been doing a lot of contemplation and thinking about what I want to do with my career/life. I’ve found myself returning to what I liked to to as a child. Which was watch movies with my dad. Every week I remember that we would always go to blockbuster and buy a movie to watch as a family. It was mostly my dad and me that would pick the movies. My mom would be okay with whatever. It was mostly me and my dad watching them anyways. But it was one of my favourite activities to do with my family. We really didn’t know much about Canada and what people did as hobbies or activities. It really helped me learn english and I loved how many different kinds of movies there were. I’d say my favorite genre back then were comedies and horror. I love horror because of my obsession with halloween and comedies because they were so funny. I kinda see how some of that now has shaped who I am today. Anyways back on topic to why I’m writing about this in the first place.
I’ve been looking for a career path to take that would bring me joy and something that I’m passionate about. All the jobs I’ve taken up to this point have been because I had no other better option or I was just going with what was presented to me at the time. I want to try something that I can combine my love of science and art. I love the precision and calculations of science, but I also the the creativity and freedom art provides. I’ve always had a hard time trying to combine the two into something I can actually make a living out of. It’s come to that point in life where I am slowly starting to find my place in the world and hone in on what it is that I want to do. It’s not really a comfortable place to be in one’s life I’ll tell you that. Not really knowing what your doing or why starts to eat away at your mind if you don’t address it.
It’s kinda like what I heard in an audiobook that I’m listening to. The quote what “what you resist persists, what you look at disappears” My interpretation of what that means is , the things that you ignore and don’t address will only get worse as you ignore it. However as soon as you face something that’s been bugging you, head on. It tends to melt away. Funny how concepts that I hear in this book and what I see in my everyday life link so heavily to my meditation practice.
I haven’t been doing much dedicated 1 hour sits recently but I;ve been doing more meditation in my day to day routine. I do it on the train or when I’m doing a simple task. I feel like I can be fully involved in whatever I’m doing at the time. I’m not worrying about anything ( most of the time) . Life has started to become less of a struggle and more of a flow now. I still run into mental blocks whenever I encounter situations that I don’t expect or enjoy but I’m learning how to take it with stride and just move past it quicker. I’m starting to have more control over my mental and emotional state. I notice myself become more loving and compassionate towards other people. Most importantly though , I’m more loving to myself. I start to enjoy my own company more. I judge myself less. I understand my emotions much better. Overall my quality of life has improved.
Speaking on that , I have no doubt that I’ll end up in the right career. I already am in the right one. It becomes a stepping stone to get to where I need to be. Another turn in the road so to speak. Anyways I;m about to get some sleep and do my nightly meditation. I’m glad I did this today, I feel a lot better and at ease doing this . Night.
Stay Humble, Stay Blessed.